16 years after...

July 14, 1992, I was totally devastated. My Dad passed away. A 10-wheeler truck hit his car. Two of them (he was with his business partner) died on the spot and I just knew it the next day when my Mr. P (our landlord slash guardian) brought me home.

All through out our travel (from Pampanga to Bataan) I was speechless and confused. I had an inkling something had happened but no idea what was it. Roughly 30 minutes before we reached home, I felt somebody has died but I didn’t want to entertain the thought. I felt it was so morbid of me to think that way. I tried to ignore it however the idea was becoming more evident while we get closer to home. Strange.

Upon reaching home, our gate was opened and my brother RJ walked towards me and said ‘wala na si Daddy’. I frowned and thought it was a joke. I didn’t believe or maybe I was in complete denial. I ran towards our house and saw my Lolo. At the back of my mind, if it was not my Lolo it shouldn’t be one of my brothers. No! Then, Mom came out rushing and hugged me tight. She was in black and crying. It was really my Dad who passed away. *sob*

I hurried to our parent’s room and pushed one of the walls, some sort of a secret door that led me to their bathroom. I looked for my Dad’s pambahay he wore the night before. Held, smelled, and hugged it. I kept looking around his stuffs that I can hold wanting to feel his presence. I was howling, lamenting, sobbing, crying, name it! If only I could shed blood after I ran up of tears, I’d really would. I was in deep deep deep sorrow.

I felt his embrace and I suddenly stopped crying. I knew he wanted me to stop weeping. I ran to my bedroom and had another round of shouting and crying. I wouldn’t stop. I’m a Daddy’s girl. I couldn’t imagine living without a Dad. I love him too much to lose. Unbelievable.

I made myself believe that there must be reasons (plural!) why he had to leave us that soon and God has better plans for us. For many years until now, I hold on to that faith. I was almost 15 when I lost him. There were times I was hoping he just went somewhere or maybe somebody has taken cared of him after the accident and perhaps lost his memory, whatever! Hoping he will be back very soon. I had these stories on my mind, full of hopes but nobody came back…

16 years later, (today) my love for my Daddy hasn’t change. I still miss him, of course! I still cry whenever I think/dream of him. While I type this, I cannot help my tears from falling. *TEARS!!!* I cannot imagine having anybody to replace him in my heart. He will always be my one and only Daddy.

Before he died, he had chances of giving me his bilins. Hmm, can be called premonitions…(a lot!) He wanted me to finish my studies and do my best in all things I do. I didn’t want to fail him. Never! Up to this time, all I wanted is for him and my Mom to be proud of me…

It doesn’t stop there. I know he wanted me to do well in all my endeavors for me to be able to help others. To continue the good deeds he was doing. He had his time. His life was meaningful and has served his purpose.

While I write this, I’m beginning to realize more things about life in general --- Life is NOT all about work, achievements, status or money in bank. These are all superficial. On the contrary, these things can help other people. If you have it, share it. It’s a matter on how you utilize whatever you have.

TIME is very significant. But not everyone has time. Touch people’s lives and make a difference.

These things I learned years after while dealing with my Dad’s loss.

A tragedy to others can become serendipity to some.

Love your Dads and Moms, brothers and sisters. Your entire family! Life is too short...