the gift

It’s been almost four years since I was asking God to give me the ability to forgive people. Especially this one person who has hurt me the most. It never came maybe I wasn’t ready yet.

The golden rule says, “Do to others what you want others to do unto you.” I believe in karma but never wish it to anybody even to the least person I like. Moreover, to the person I hated the most. Never…I’m not evil to do that. I fear God.

Time came that my mind was willing to forgive and forget, but not my heart. It was a long battle.

Thinking back, I realized that you have to go through processes first before forgiveness will be granted to you. I used to be stiff and idealistic. I abhor change in every aspect of it. Maybe that was my personality…

I was brought up by my family that way. All of my memories were good. My childhood was the best. I felt everything was perfect. I felt I was lucky. I had great expectations of life and thought I can be in control of everything that may happen in my life. I bumped into reality when my Daddy passed away and the time I was cheated by Xave. These experiences made a great impact on me. I had the baggage for years. I was in denial. Of all people, why me?

I know life is no bed of roses. You have to step on the thorns from time to time for you to be strong, learn to pick up the pieces and fight. Yes, it was a struggle for me. I felt that I have to overcome it. Faith and acceptance helped me go through the stage. I realized that if I continue to deny the feeling, it will just eat me up and I will be miserable. I’ve learned to go on with my life. To accept things as they come for I believe all things happen for a reason. Whatever it is, a challenge for me to find out.

Time heals all wounds. Not in my time but in God’s time. Finally, it came when both my mind and heart were prepared. Sometimes, you have to deal with the subject face to face. Yep, my worst enemy came face to face with me. The hurt feelings…I can no longer feel! I didn't notice, it was the start of a new beginning.

To make the story short, I’ve became friends with my worst enemy. What a great gift from God. The sad part, she has to deal with the same issue as ours with her present boyfriend---third party. Most terrible, the other woman got pregnant! Honestly, I’m not happy with the things are going with her now. I wanted to help her overcome it. I give opinions but I let her decide what move to take. I can’t help but reckon that it’s her turn to learn lessons…yeah, maybe in a harder way than mine but sooner or later she will be thankful that things happened to her. She will be happier after all these. She just has to get through with it.

The only thing that is constant in this world is CHANGE. If I won’t be flexible enough to embrace change, I’d always be in depression. Why waste time being gloomy wherein I can be blissful? With these experiences, I’ve learned to loosen up, laugh about life wherever it takes me and see how I can help others in any way I can.

Life is so beautiful…we just have to look around and appreciate things.